diagnosis

  

i took piper into her pediatrician for her 4th "why-isn't-she-talking?" follow-up visit. and he said, "let's give it 6 more months and see how she's doing...."

huh??!!

that.....didn't... seem like a good idea.

and in that moment two things happened: 1. i took over, and 2. "find pediatrician" was added to my 'to-do' list.

i called aunt rhonda who helped me find an audiologist on our insurance. yesterday we went for our visit.

mother's intuition prevails again: she's partially deaf.

even as a baby i would complain that she wasn't even "babbling". and, unless crying or screaming, was unusually quiet.

actually, not quiet. silent.

i would watch her play with other babies, all coos and goos and gahs, and not a sound from her. until we came home, and then it was all crying & hitting & dramatic fits on the floor.

today while we were seeing the audiologist & dr i was all business. kept a smile as they told me their diagnosis & stayed logical as they told me the treatment 'plan'.

until my big toe crossed the doorway to the outside world.

and then i was wandering the parking lot of the hospital trying, desperately, to find my car through the thick sheet of tears blurring my vision. lugging my 2 year old daughter on my hip. my deaf 2 year old daughter.

piper, so close to my face, kept staring at my eyes. i tried to keep an "everythings-ok-little-pickles" smile on my face. but it was an admittedly shaky smile. and she's an unnervingly aware little person. so she wasn't buying it.

i spent the rest of the day with the kids in a quiet, contemplative mood.  for the first time in....forever, i wasn't cleaning, or washing. or phoning or texting. or projecting. or organzing. i was just.....sitting. thinking. watching. wrapping my head around our new world.

late in the afternoon, both kids were in the backyard playing.

from the 1st day we got our playset piper has been trying to climb the rock wall. which, for a 1-year old is 1. dangerous, 2. impossible. but that didn't stop levi & gracie from constantly running inside to tell me that piper was trying to climb the rock wall.  they take their "make sure piper is safe" job serious.

the first 1,000 times they told me (yelled at me) this, i ran to the backyard and took her away, screaming, from the wall. i even built a tower of lawn chairs and twine to block the wall. but when you're 2 feet and 20 pounds, a little twine doesn't stop you.

times 1,000 - 2,000 i just walked to the back porch and watched her futile attempt to get up past the first plastic foothold.

times 2,000+ i just yelled back, "it's ok! she can't do it!"

so today, while sitting on the couch staring into imaginary nothing-ness, levi came running in, and for the 3,000th time said, "mommy!mommy! pickles is climbing the rock wall!!"
"it's ok. sh--"
"no! she's really doing it this time!"
...   ....  .....
"she's really REALLY doing it this time!"
i looked over to him. and he seemed pretty sincere. he motioned for me to come outside. i dutifully, albeit slowly, got up and went to the porch. just in time to see this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

clearly the day would inevitably come that she would actually make it to the top of her impossible climb. but it could have just as easily happened yesterday. or tomorrow. i love that it happened today. smack dab in the middle of my brooding. a visual reminder from above that she is TOUGH. and she's going to be fine.

she's going to be just fine.

Comments

[Patt Stewart]

welcome back, i've missed you :) that was beautiful. she's going to be fine and so are you. she gets that strength from somewhere, you know? love you, mom