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12 - busted fudge

 

i have NEVER craved fudge.

or really even liked it. i have a friend who is a fudge-maniac. and i always think its so gross. i always think that if i'm going to blow that many calories and that much fat, i want something for real: like a doughnut. or a year's worth of dr. pepper.

until this year.

suddenly my mouth wants a big piece of fudge. great.

maybe it's a "40s" thing...

so i decided to learn to make it.  i know, so advanced right? i got straight from 1st craving to making my own all in one day.

UNFORTUNATELY, the "little birdie" who told me how to make fudge, and you know who you are!, told me to put in 2 cans of evaporated milk.

my fudge never set.

yeah, it takes less than 1 cup of evaporated milk.

FORTUNATELY, that's one of the good things about having family all around - they're always there for you - so....when you have a gallon of liquid chocolate, they'll suck it up and help you out.

i labeled it all "failed fudge a.k.a. ice cream sauce" and dropped it off...

11 - christmas cards

picture taken with heidi's cell phone. the only evidence that we actually tried. 

 

today is the day our family christmas cards officially died.

not going to happen.

i even crossed it off my "to-do" list.

WITH A PEN!

we had an appointment with our favorite, most-belove-ed photographer. and a few days before i found out i had to attend a mandatory work meeting. so i asked her if we could do it the next week. i mean, what's a little 7-day push back in the scheme of the whole universe, right?

well, apparently, a lot....if your photographer is 8 months pregnant.

the day before our new appointment she called in with some excuse about contractions.supposedly, such bad contractions she even had to come home from church. yeah right! i dare you to find a pregnant girl who hasn't pulled out the contraction card to leave early from church. but that didn't mean that i she called in sick to work the next day!

and then she told me she had to be on bedrest. that her little guy needed to "cook" a little longer. well....CLEARLY she is not from pioneer-heritage. because no self-respecting pioneer woman would quit pushing her cart west JUST because she was giving birth. ...or trying not to.

dear jeanna, you know i'm totally messing with you....right?

so...i sort of...languered around. not really sure what to do. a few ideas came in my head. but i guess i wasn't serious about them because i never made any motion toward them.

then, one nite, robyn told me that heidi was going to be taking some pictures of her kids the next day. so i mooched in. this next part, i say with absolutely ZERO exaggeration:

I GAVE UP ON TAKING OUR PICTURES THAT DAY 7,147 TIMES.

i'll be honest, i was sort of giving up before it even got crazy. like at 8am, when i was trying to get going, in general, for the day. and the thought of getting 3 people "picture-ready" seemed like too much. if i'm going to do that, it has to be worth it. and no offense to heidi: but her pictures weren't going to be of the "worth it" status. she's a professional at alot of things, but photography isn't one of them.

so the tug-of-war began. i don't want to do it. i have to do it. i don't need to do it. i really should do it. JUST DO IT! just.stop.playing.bistro.cook.on.your.phone.and.start.doing.it.

so i began the long journey.

i tell of my half-heartedness only because what ensued thereafter required so much more, a whole-heartedness even, to continue on. i mean, MY pioneer heritage was heartly tested.

in order to get to the "shoot" at the designated time, i needed my kids to take their naps about 1.5hours earlier than normal. you know how this ends.

piper cried & played intermittently in her crib for the 1.5 hours.
which was really annoying me while i was trying to curl my hair in my bathroom.
levi got out of bed 16 times, and yelled "MOMMYYYYY???" throughout the house.
which made piper start crying in her crib again.
which was really annoying me while i was tyring to curl my hair in my bathroom.
it became clear that levi was not going to take a nap
he sat on the tub behind me and tried to negotiate wearing a baseball hat for the pictures.
i stared at my eyebrows that were in serious need of a wax. and the 6 gray hairs in my roots.
which was really annoying me while i was STILL trying to curl my hair in my bathroom.
our clothes weren't ironed.
i couldn't find piper's shoes.
levi still arguing with me about clothes, and hair.
i dropped my face powder and it's in a million crumbs.
piper falls asleep 10 minutes before i'm supposed to wake her up.
she's crying. arching her back. throwing her clothes on the ground.
she slaps me in the face.
levi crying because he doesn't like what i'm forcing him to wear.
actually, he does like it. just not that i chose it.
piper still crying. pulls her hair out. drips milk from her sippy on her cream sweater.
i give up for the 7,001 time.
i remember that i've already spent 3 hours on this -- WE'RE GOING!
levi carries dog out to the car.
piper breaks down because she wants a dog.
get her a dog.
no, she only wants levi's dog. and she's now beating him to get it.
much crying. much thrashing. some cussing. ok, a lot of cussing.
start tearing closet apart looking for a new dog that "santa" was going to bring.
can't find it. more cussing.
now i'm sweating. which uncurls my hair.
all 3 of us cry on the way to 'shoot'.
give up for 7,101 time.
wonder if mom can photoshop our eyes and blotchy skin.
get to location with about 15 minutes before too dark.
heidi says we all look cute.
i haven't even gotten my bag out of the car when i hear heidi say,
"change battery pack??"
i look around the side of car and see her staring at my camera. quizzicly.
"you're messing with me, right?"
"no. it says 'change battery pack'."
"... ... ..."
"... ... ..."
"you look like you're going to cry right now. you can cry right now."

and that was it. the 7,147th, and final, time. peace-out christmas pictures.

 
piper still staring down levi's dog. i can see her plotting how to get that dog away from him.

10 - the vote

 
 
my sisters, parents & i all live within 3 miles of each other. then, one day, the grossmans made the unexplainable decision to move 110 miles away from the rest of us. ever since then, we've had to suffer many consequences.

one of them being having a "pretend" christmas eve together somewhere in the latter half of december. but never on the actual christmas eve. something about them not wanting to drive their 4 kids up and down the highway on a holiday. wierd, i know.

this year the big day is on the 19th. at my house. so i took it upon myself to make some plans. nobody in this family argues when someone else says they'll take charge. the first order of business was: food.

OBVIOUSLY april was going to be the team-leader of the food-situation, but i needed to determine what her start line would be. the age-old debate: "traditional" christmas dinner to the rest of the western-world: ham, potatos, cheese, prime-rib, etc.... or "traditional" christmas dinner in the stewart family: fried tacos.

there had to be a vote.  MOST surprising to me was that my vote fell on the "traditional" side. i've always been a hard-core taco girl! the only explanation i can come up with is that if i was going to get an "april-meal", i wanted more than tacos...

actually, i was wholly expecting to take a lot of flack from the taco-supporters. because....the vote was only off by 1, and ....since piper "voted" for traditional, i thought there'd be an uprising. but not a peep was made. see part about 'nobody in this family argues when somebody else wants to take charge'...

9 - the christmas hat dance

this is for all the seinfeld lovers. we have our own personal "elaine" at our christmas parties this year....

    

8 - take grandma & grandpa treats

technically, we were supposed to take treats to grandma & grandpa, (or as levi calls them, "grampa & grampa") but last nite on our christmas light driving tour we found an AWESOME neighborhood, and knew we had to take them to see it.

usually, neighborhoods will have a few people who really go crazy, a dozen people who do just enough, and the majority do....nothing. but last nite we stumbled on a neighborhood of over-acheivers!! seriously. every other house was over the top.  many "WWHOOOOOAAAAS!" were given.

so not only did we not provide treats, we made "grampa" (you'll have to guess which one) help us clean out the back of our car and rearrange car seats so we could all fit in one car.

i'm pretty sure levi only saw 1% of the lights tonite. once we were in the neighborhood, "grampa" let him get out of his 3rd-row-tiny-windowed-seat and come sit on her lap. he pretty much focused on his good fortune of being out of a seat belt, window down, 68% of his body outside of a moving vehicle. lights? what lights? have you guys seen how fast the pavement is moving? 

7 - paint a christmas plate

 

i knew levi would like this activity. i just really underestimated how much. zanny brought him to the artful potter at 5:00 to meet me right after work.  they were rushing us out at 8pm.  my little artist is very detailed, and, again, very slow & deliberate. (see nov 26 entry) 

it has been a constant conversation going over why we did not bring the plate home with us: will the lady leave it in the fire too long and it will burn? can we put food on the plate? will the dishwasher wash away the snowman? will piper break the plate? if piper breaks the plate, can the lady put it back in the fire and fix it? and on and on....

 
finished product. i couldn't get levi to actually stay focused on looking at me. he was too busy/concerned with scoping out the lady who was waiting to take his plate to the "fire"....

6 - play games

 piper playing angry birds. she sends the birds the opposite direction. and if you try to help her get them going the right way, she squaks. and hits your hand away. she'll never get all those pigs.....

sometimes you fall off the christmas wagon. yeah, i know, just not usually on day 6. i'm human, not a christmas-robot. we were supposed to play a christmas game. but when i came home from work, i sat down in my red chair by the fireplace. and....i just kept sitting there. it happens to us humans every now and again.

and then it occurred to me that bridger johnson is always talking about playing Angry Birds, via his mom, and i decided, if bridger likes that game, we might too.

guess what? we like it too. actually, too much. it's quite addictive. apparently not just to 4 year olds, but also 40 year olds.

because we all 3 sat in the red chair by the fireplace and played angry birds for....a long time. i got stuck on one level and at one point i said:
"man levi, this one is hard! i can't get ALL the pigs!"
"are you going to give up mommy?"

and that sparked something in me. it didn't get me out of the red chair, i just said "sparked". and so started a 20-minute diatribe about "quitting" and "quitters". and then i was justified required to continue playing angry birds until i beat that level. to give my son a visual of the rewards of not quitting.

this story has a happy ending. because i finally beat all the pigs. and we all 3 cheered. pickles' cheering started about 15 seconds after we stopped. and levi said:
"whooooo-hooo!! you did it! you didn't quit and you got the pigs!!"
"yep. and we just had FHE." 
it counts, right?

5 - nutcrackers

 
 

i put up these nutcrackers for levi. he thinks they are knights. i think they are pieces of plastic that scare the bujeebees out of me at night.

several x several times the angle of the playroom door has been just right. so that when i finally head to the couch at midnite with my periere for a few sips and a few minutes of dvr'd grey's anatomy, one of those damn nutcrackers actually become a manly robber in my house.

seriously. i've lost at least 3-4 months of potential living the past week. wasted heart pounds. i hope my tired brain can get used to them being there.  soon!

4 - driving tour of christmas lights

our house with lights. we definitely aren't up to "whhhhooooooaaaa" status....yet. 

we actually go on a driving tour of christmas lights.....every night. seriously. every nite. we love christmas lites more than i can articulate. we put ours up the day after thanksgiving. that night we start our ritual touring. so we can find out who is super-festive.

when i was little my mom would drive us through neighborhoods looking at christmas lites. our big brown family van would would twist and turn through the streets. we'd screech to a halt and turn around if we saw a street that looked treasure-full. i never got tired. i never grew weary. i wanted to do it nonstop.

and 30 years later i still do.  each nite we pick a different neighborhood and see what twinkling offers it has. we roll down the windows, and blast the heater. not sure how good that works. we play country stars singing christmas tunes. once we got dilly bars. but they weren't as delectable in 40-degree winds. who does THAT?? and a few times we got hot chocolate. except pickles. she got chocolate milk in a sippy cup. who does THAT??

all this touring has added 1 more new word to pickles' meager collection: everytime levi & i see a house that has really gone the extra mile, we say "WWWHHOOOOAAAA!!!" really loud.  after a few nites off this, pickles has chimed in.  admittedly, her timing is way off.  she says it after we're driving away. and a few times she's said it at houses that really don't warrant it.  but she's only 1.5. we'll cut her some christmas-slack.

3 - christmas art

 

"christmas art" is on our advent several times this year. because....we are 'art' making fiends at our house. i don't know if our walls, doors, or windows can hold one more masterpiece. i, personally, am anxiously awaiting the day our visions of 'art' are a little more sympatico.

in an attempt to gain back some control over our dinner table, levi got his own desk/masterpeice station for his birthday. i thought he would love sitting next to me at nite with all his own supplies. he does love having all his "supplies" within his reach, but...i've yet to convince him to contain his actual creative process to to the designated area.

since i've kicked him off the dinner table several times, he's currently settled on the chair next to his desk, and the floor behind him. both of these are regularly covered in pencils, tape, scissors, and enough shavings to put michelangelo to shame.

i feel a little bit like the grinch - begrudging an artist his pleasures. especially a prolific one such as levi. it's only december 3 and we already have quite an assortment of holiday masterpieces. mostly snowmen and snowgirls. but also a smattering of christmas trees, angels, families and one christmas rocket....so far.