discovery

 

did you know that if you are forty AND fat you can't play hopscotch?

me neither.

but i guarantee you, i've never said anything truer. literally.can.not.play.

even if you're playing kanye west on itunes from the garage. (my brain is still young enough to play.)

i'm not sure if it's more of the 40. or more of the fat. but the combo is deadly. i mean, i KNEW cartwheels were out - for more than 5 years now. and i've had my sneaking suspicions about somersaults. but hopping on one foot? never even entered my mind.

awhile back i found some hoppy-taws in the store and knew we had to have them. i spent approximately 76% of my elementary school recess playing hopscotch. i'm pretty sure i remember my mom organizing a hopscotch tournament. it was that serious.

the other 23% of the time was spent running with my "girl gang". forcing boys to hold our hands and walk under the shade trees. or holding them down, screaming, while we took turns kissing them. i know. i'm just happy that roofies weren't invented yet. especially because one of our favorite victims is now in the high priest group presidency of my ward. and i pray that he doesn't remember that. that he's blocked it out. that every sunday when smiles and says "hi candice", it's because he's friendly. not because he's thinking: where's your "girls" now? oh, and also, i'm married. with 5 kids.

so the other nite, when the 3-year-old-love-of-tattling was at its height, i decided it was time to bust out the chalk and taws.

gracie and levi were grateful recepients indeed. i got much encouragement on my chalk creation. "looking good on your drawing mommy", "you're doing a great job cannice".

but when it came time to actually teach them how to jump through the chalk lines and retrieve your hoppy taw everything came to a screeching halt.

there i was, hoppytaw successfully thrown in the "1" square, balancing on one foot, ready to hop into the square, 3 little kids standing to the side, watching with bated breath. ... ... ... and nothing was happening.

NOTHING!

i could NOT jump.

i feel a woot comin on 'cuz. a woot comin on...

much to their confusion, i just....put my foot down and started laughing up at the sky.

i ended up having to just jump with both feet from square to square. poor kids. i hope they meet someone younger and skinnier someday. learn to play hopscotch for real. but for tonite, it was two-footed hopscotch all the way.

two-footed and zero-bra-ed.  yeah, to add to the luxuriousness of our adventure, i realized that i didn't have a bra on. once i started jumping around. at first i tried to just roll with it. for like 3 jumps. and then .... i thought, forget this!, and made a hand-held "bra". 

you know the kind. the one where your hands are literally holding your boobs while you jump. yeah.

later that nite when i was recounting this to heidi, we had this conversation:

"candice! are you serious??"
"uh...well, uh...yeah."
"oh my gosh. i feel sorry for your neighbors. they're probably traumatized looking out their windows thinking, what the heck is that lady doing with those kids!"

well...you know what? if they were, then i'm really happy for my neighbors.

because if seeing a mom playing hopscotch with her kids while holding her boobs is enough to traumatize them, they must have really good lives....

Comments

[mom]

that is the biggest, giantest, most enormoustest hopscotch i have ever seen! no wonder you couldn't jump-the sheer space involved would have scared my feet out of jumping too!